The ADHD Solutions Blog

The Full Moon Lunch

I had lunch with a good friend yesterday.  We both have ADHD, so we don't get together as much as we'd like. This seems to be a common problem amongst the ADHD set: the weeks slip into months and next thing you know it's been half a year (or more) since you talked to each other.  You're busy, you forget... you know how it is.  We have no sense of time and often aren't aware of just how much time has gone by.

That's how friendships deteriorate.  I don't want that to happen.  

My grandfather and I were very close.  We had a standing "phone date" every Thursday evening from when I started college in 1983 (yes I'm that old) until he passed away in 2011.  That worked out great.  I only forgot to call him a few times in all those years.  Much as I'd love to, it isn't practical to do that with everyone I want to keep in touch with (although I do have recurring calls set up with a few people).  Mathematically, there just aren't enough hours in the day for a weekly chat with everyone I want to stay close to.  Plus, some people think Facebook is an adequate substitute for actual human contact.  But that's another issue...

My friend had a brilliant solution.  How about a lunch every full moon, he asked?  Perfect, I replied. So that's what we're going to do.  Now we have a naturally-occurring event that we can use to mark the passage of time.  

See you on the next full moon, G!

Sometimes ADHD makes me cry

Sometimes ADHD makes me sadI went to the grocery store on my way home from the gym this morning.  I had just started to pay for my groceries when a tattoo on the arm of the man behind me caught my eye. It was a beautiful tattoo, a line of soldiers in silhouette around his bicep. I wondered if he was a veteran. I thought about the Equine Assisted Psychotherapy program I want to develop for veterans, and briefly considered talking to him about it.  I thought about paying for his groceries as a token of my appreciation for his service. Then I thought that would probably be over the top, plus he was buying a lot of junk food, and decided not to. That led to thoughts of healthy eating, and... you know how it goes. Suddenly I noticed all my groceries were in bags and it seemed like it was time to go.  I pulled my card out of the card reader and started to put it away. 

Uh oh. The threatening DO NOT REMOVE CARD message was still on the screen.  What happens when you remove your card too soon? Does something explode? Do you get arrested? I was about to find out. The helpful cashier explained to me how to use the card reader, as if I had not already used it a hundred times before. The transaction had to be started over. I did it right the second time, but she didn't give me my cash back.  She said that I didn't ask for any.  I knew that I had, and I told her so.  Apparently I had asked for it during the first transaction, not the second, which the receipt confirmed. This resulted in another lesson on how to work the card reader and being called sweetie. Clearly she thought I was senile. Or stupid. I felt senile AND stupid. 

I managed to hold back the tears until I left the store.

Usually when something like this happens my husband tells me “You're not senile or stupid, you just have ADHD. You were distracted.” And he gives me a hug, and all is right in the world again. But he wasn't there. So I had to tell myself. 

I went back and reviewed the episode in my mind.  I identified the moment where I became distracted, and how things fell apart as a result.  Okay, I can understand that. I guess I'm not senile.  Stupid as I felt, it really had nothing to do with intelligence. I have ADHD, and sometimes it sucks, but usually it's not bad at all.  I have an incredibly full life.  I pursue interests that average people don't even dream of.  I’m spontaneous. For the most part I do what I want, when I want, and it works for me and my family.  I’m never bored. The to-do list is long, but the important stuff gets done.  I’m happy.  
 
A fellow counselor once said to me, “It’s not how smart you are, it’s how are you smart”.   Things happen that make me feel dumb. My short term memory is AWOL.  But I know I’m good at figuring stuff out, at solving problems, and I have a very high emotional IQ.  

I just need to remind myself of that every once in a while.
 

I got my license!! Which means...

As of today, I am a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC)!  As I've written previously, I got my master’s degree in 2015 and have been working under supervision for the past two years in order to meet the requirements for licensure.  And now I have it!  

This is great news for you too:  If your health insurance plan offers out of network benefits, you can use them for counseling with me.  (Coaching is not covered by insurance, but there is a LOT of crossover between coaching and counseling.) I am not currently participating directly with any carriers, so I won’t be able to submit claims for you.  But I’ll give you what you need to submit to your company for reimbursement.  

I’ve been branching out into other areas besides ADHD. While I love working with Attention Deficit / Hyperactivity Disorder, and intend to keep doing so for a long time, a little variety is nice.  I’ve gained experience helping people with depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, life changes, relationships, recovering from childhood trauma, and more.  My new website, bethmain.com, goes into more detail about my counseling services.  

As always, I offer a free initial consultation to help you decide if I’m the right therapist or coach for you. So if you’ve been thinking you’d like to work with me, this is a great time to request a consultation using the link on the right side of just about every page on this site.  I’m happy to answer whatever questions you have about how I can help you.

Hope to talk with you soon!
 

Audio: Overcoming Analysis Paralysis - How to make effective decisions

Earlier this month I participated in Dr. Kari Miller's "Closing the Intention Gap" event, where 18 productivity experts gave talks on how to close the gap between what you intend to do and what you actually get done. My topic was "Analysis Paralysis: How to Make Decisions More Effectively".  Here's the promo copy:

You’re working on an important project.  Things are moving along and you’re in the zone. But then you have to make a decision where the best choice isn’t obvious. The whole universe opens up before you.  Now, instead of one path to follow, there are dozens. What do you do?  If you’re like many people, you become overwhelmed and go into avoidance mode. You procrastinate. Welcome to analysis paralysis.

But by using Beth’s strategies, you’ll be able to get back in control, get moving, and get stuff done. In this presentation you will learn:

  • How to recognize when you’re stuck in analysis paralysis
  • A clear cut process for making your very best decision in a reasonable amount of time
  • How to know when a decision is “good enough”
  • What to do when you’ve done all that and still can’t decide

Although the event is over, you can hear the audio from my presentation by clicking here.  It starts right after a brief (< 1 minute) introduction from Kari.  Enjoy!

2017 Shire ADHD Scholarship

ADHD scholarshipShire PLC has announced the return of its ADHD scholarship program for the 2017-2018 school year.   Applications will be accepted from December 2016 (exact date TBD) through March 8, 2017.  The scholarship awards U.S. recipients $2,000 in tuition assistance and one year of ADHD coaching services provided by the Edge Foundation. A similar program, operated by Shire Canada, offers Canadian students $1,500 in tuition assistance and one year of ADHD coaching services provided by the Edge Foundation.

The scholarship program is for legal residents of the United States or Canada who have been diagnosed with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), are accepted to or will be enrolled in a 2- or 4-year undergraduate program at an accredited college, university, trade school, technical school, or vocational school, and are under the care of a licensed health care professional for ADHD.

Visit the Shire ADHD Scholarship website for more information:  http://www.shireadhdscholarship.com.

Election 2016, ADHD-style

You can usually count on people with ADHD to speak their minds. To be just a little bit outside the traditional box (or maybe a lot).  To not do what everyone else is doing just because everyone else is doing it.

This election season, I’ve heard a lot of people say they’re voting for Clinton because they hate Trump.  Or for Trump because they hate Clinton and the establishment she comes from.  When I point out that there is another option, third-party candidate Gary Johnson, they brush it off.  “He’ll just take votes away from <the candidate I hate>.  That’s what happened with Ross Perot in 1992.”  But if everyone says that every four years, we will be stuck forever with the same flawed two-party system, where we vote for the lesser of two evils.   This isn’t a horse race where it pays to bet on the person with the best odds.

I don’t want to get involved in anyone’s politics. Everyone has the right and the responsibility to vote for the candidate they believe will do the best job.  I guess that’s the point I want to make.  My wish for this country is that everyone finds the ADHD-like courage to let their voice be heard, to step outside the box, and do what makes sense to them.  Sadly, I think most people probably won’t.  They will continue to walk through the cattle chutes of their existence and do what everyone else is doing.  

But what about the ADHD community? I think we can do better because that’s how we’re wired. Can we leverage our ADHD-related strengths to do right by our country? To be bold? To jump right over that cattle chute?  To be the impetus for change? I want to be clear, if you really LIKE Clinton or Trump, by all means, that’s who you should vote for.  But if not, there is another choice. Gary Johnson will be on your ballot in November right next to the candidates more people loathe than like. 

Do your homework and vote what you believe.  Not what you’re told “makes sense”.  If enough of us do that, we can make a difference.

May the best candidate win.

Email management: I'll get back to you

 

Email

Many of my clients want help organizing their email.  Some of them even aspire to "inbox zero", the practice of keeping the number of messages in one's inbox at - you guessed it - zero. On the surface, it seems like a simple problem that could be resolved by setting up some folders and unsubscribing from email lists that are no longer relevant.  But really, where you put stuff is only a small part of the issue.

The real problem with email management – or lack thereof – is perceived responsiveness. Someone sends you an email asking you to do something.  You procrastinate, but you know the request is in your email, so you don’t worry too much about it.  You’ll get to it “soon”. But the requests keep coming in, and next thing you know, your inbox is a mishmash of to-dos, information, and guilt.  Hours turn into days, which turn into weeks, and next thing you know, you’ve been labeled as a person who doesn’t respond to email.  Or worse, is incompetent or doesn’t care. 

Email was never meant to be a task management tool.  It’s a communication tool.  So let’s separate the tasks from the talk.

There are a couple of reasons why you might not respond to an email right away:

  • You have to do something first
  • You have to decide something first
  • You have to think about how you want to respond 

All are valid.  But no matter what the reason, you can save your credibility with five little words:  “I’ll get back to you.”  Send a quick reply right away letting the person know you got the message, so they don’t have to wonder if it – or you – got lost in cyberspace.  This gives you time to do the thing, make the decision, or compose your response. 

Of course, you do have to actually get back to the person eventually. How will you remember to follow up?  Put it in your task management system.  If a decision has to be made, “decide what to do about ____” is the appropriate to-do list item.   Then when you’ve made the decision, or completed the task, send the full response.  

This two-part approach to answering emails will go a long way towards building – or saving - your reputation as someone who can be counted on.  No matter how many messages you have in your inbox.

ADHD Tools: AirTrim Sport Mask

Run in the cold!I love to run. But the cold air hurts my lungs so much that I find it rather unpleasant to run in the winter. Due to cold-induced asthma, I end up wheezing and my chest hurts for a long time afterwards. Yeah, I could run indoors on a treadmill, but I find that unpleasant too. Part of the joy of running, for me, is being in nature and becoming part of the landscape.

What does this have to do with ADHD? Well, exercise is a critical element of any ADHD treatment plan – it gets the neurotransmitters firing and helps us focus. But we often put it off. In general, we tend to procrastinate on things that are:

  • Unclear
  • Too big
  • Boring
  • Unpleasant

There’s that word again, unpleasant. The simple solution is to find a way to make the thing you’re avoiding (in this case, exercise) more pleasant.

A few years ago I took a chance on a product called the AirTrim cold air mask. It’s a little on the expensive side at $65 plus shipping and not available locally (if you live in south central Pennsylvania). It’s a heat exchanger mask that traps the air you exhale and uses it to warm the air you inhale by as much as 40 degrees. It’s ugly as sin, but it works! I like it for running because it doesn’t trap wet vapor against my face, it only covers my mouth and nose so I don’t get overheated, and it’s lightweight. According to the manufacturer, it’s used by the Swedish ski team. So yes, you can also use it for skiing or any other outdoor activity if cold air bothers your lungs. Surprisingly, it’s not available on amazon.com. I got mine online from Boulder Nordic Sport.

So there you have it. A simple tool to keep you exercising outdoors even in cold weather. And a general principle for overcoming procrastination: figure out what you’re finding unpleasant about the activity/task/event, and use your ADHD creativity to find a way to make it more appealing. Or at least less unpleasant.

Meditation for ADHD – it’s (maybe) not what you think

Meditate with mosaic

You’ve probably heard that mindfulness meditation is good for people with ADHD. But many of us, myself included, have an incredibly difficult time sitting still long enough to become proficient.  I know, I know, there’s a reason meditation practice is called PRACTICE.  Apparently the more you practice, the easier it gets.  But sitting meditation is just not my thing. 

There are other ways to practice mindfulness meditation. You can be mindful when you eat, savoring the texture, aroma, colors, and flavor of your food (props to my good friend Claudette for sharing this technique with me).  You can be mindful when you walk, noticing the way the wind shakes the leaves from the branches or the different colors in the grass.

I personally like meditating through mosaic.  For me, cutting or finding the exact shape I need for the space I need to fill is meditative. I become so engrossed in the work that I’m focused on nothing else.  It’s not long before I’m feeling refreshed. That is mindfulness! I’ve been working the piece shown above for months.  I have an entire wall in my living room reserved for it. But if it never gets done, I’m okay with that, because it’s more about the process than the product. (I guess I’m okay with empty walls, too.)

I’ve seen some really cool coloring books for adults. Some of them have stained glass patterns, others have mandalas. A woman I know colors mandalas every night before bed and it helps her sleep.  Bye bye Ambien.

If sitting meditation isn’t your thing either, I encourage you to get creative. Find something that clears your mind, and do it as often as you can.  It’s relaxing, refreshing, and good practice for staying focused.

Evening hours for ADHD coaching or therapy

Evening hours

Some people find it hard to make it to a coaching or therapy appointment during the day. That’s why I offer evening hours on Wednesdays. Those hours filled up very quickly when I announced them back in June (many people like to reserve the same day and time for their weekly sessions). But now, both the 6:00 and 7:00 slots are open again.

Call me at 717.730.2144, email me at beth@adhdsolutions.net, or request a free consultation using my website form if you’d like to schedule an appointment.  We can meet via phone, Skype, or in-person at my office in Camp Hill, PA. Let me know what works for you!

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