Posts Tagged ‘ADD coaching’

Take it one step at a time - literally

Thursday, August 6th, 2009

“Take it one step at a time” is sound advice for anyone when things get overwhelming.  It’s especially helpful for those of us with ADHD.   If the whole project is too much to deal with, just identify the first step and focus on that.

I take this advice literally as a transitioning strategy.  When I’m lying on the couch watching TV or reading a book, and it’s time to go to bed, it’s almost impossible to get up.   Turning off the TV and making the arduous climb up all 14 stairs seems like way more than I can handle.  So I procrastinate.

I know how important it is to get a good night’s sleep, though.  I really want to be able to focus tomorrow.  I won’t be able to do that without enough sleep.  So I do what any responsible person would do:  focus on my left foot.

All I have to do is put that one foot flat on the ground, next to the couch. It takes every ounce of energy, but I can do that much.  Then I wait about 30 seconds to get used to this somewhat uncomfortable position.  Then I focus on my right foot.  I put it flat on the ground, next to my left foot.  Do you realize how hard it is to lay on the couch with both of your feet flat on the floor?  Yes, it’s very hard.  It’s much easier to just sit up.  And once you’re sitting, with just a little more effort, you can be standing.  Does this sound crazy?  Slightly ridiculous?  Maybe.  But it works for me every time.

Late night TV watching not your demon?  How about the internet?  I have one for that too:  Just click the “X”.

Like the TV, it takes Herculean effort to resist the internet’s late night charm.  If I think about stopping my research and making that arduous climb up all 14 stairs, it’s just too much.  But I can focus on the little “X” in the upper right corner of my browser window.  I just have to click it, and like magic, the internet is gone.  And I can get some sleep.

Transitioning is hard for people with ADHD, especially when we’re hyperfocused and tired.  This strategy just might make it a little easier.

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Get it in writing

Monday, March 23rd, 2009

Memory problems can cause tremendous frustration for those of us with ADHD and the people who depend on us.  You never know when your memory is going to fail you.  So you should write down everything you need to remember, no matter how sure you are that you won’t forget.

When people ask you to do something for them, if you can’t do it right away, have them write it down for you.  Ask them to send you a follow-up email or put it on your calendar or white board for you.  Make it common knowledge that if it isn’t written down in one of the places you check regularly, it isn’t going to happen.  Eventually, people will get into the habit of asking you where they should write things down.

Don’t think of it as an imposition. By insisting that requests be made in writing, you’re actually helping people. You’re increasing the odds that they will get what they need, by giving you what you need.

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Turning Monolog into Dialog

Friday, March 13th, 2009

Many thanks  to the Harrisburg Adults with ADHD Support Group for their warm response to my ADHD and Relationship/Social Issues presentation on Wednesday night.  There was a record turnout and wonderful audience participation!  We discussed strategies for about eighteen common issues.  Monologuing is one of them.

Sometimes we get so engrossed in what we’re talking about that we go on for far longer than we intended – and far longer than our audience can stay interested.  We feel driven to fully express our thoughts before they escape.  The other person doesn’t have a chance to speak.  This usually has a negative effect on our listeners, and ultimately, our relationships.

Monologuing is an ADHD behavior that many people aren’t even aware they have.  If you suspect it might be a factor in your interpersonal difficulties, here are some pointers.

  • Consider your audience when deciding how much detail to get into.   If you’re really into cars, but the people you’re talking to are not, just tell them you drive an Audi (or whatever) and let it go at that.
  • Practice becoming aware of how long you’ve been talking.   Noticing is the first step to making change.
  • Practice “bottom lining”, or getting right to the point.  Is all that background information really important?
  • Insert deliberate pauses into your speech.  Say a few sentences, then stop for a second. That way if anyone has something to add, they have a chance.
  • Look for indication that your audience is still with you.  Are they smiling, nodding, asking questions?
  • Ask a friend in advance to redirect the conversation if you’ve gone on for too long.  Or agree on a way he or she can signal you.

Some of these skills may need to be learned because they don’t come naturally.  Try practicing them alone, role play with a friend, or experiment in easy situations like talking with a sales person.  That way, you’ll be prepared the next time you find yourself monologuing.

I’ve been talking for long enough now, so it’s time to close.  Make it a dialog by posting a comment to let me know what you think!  I’d love to hear from you.

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